Kyle Walker. Owner’s Watchdog. The Crazed Relegation Battle. Garth’s Tripe

Kyle Walker

The Kyle Walker drop your pants police investigation was melted away with an out of court disposal to stop the allegations proceeding to the courts. Walker’s stance is classed as low level crime and anti-social behaviour, lower than dropping the pants, blue flashers in the police some would say, home from home then Kyle. To suggest a cash settlement has taken place, Walker’s a high earner. All roads lead to Southgate, you’re nicked, oh sorry pickled, put the Three Lions shirt on Kyle, don’t forget the pants, you have lobbied our case cronyism.

Owner’s Watchdog

At the time of the Newcastle United purchase, the Premier League chose to ignore the new owners’ human rights issues attached, the prevailing of brown envelopes. A Premiership rule change is to be enforced on prospective new club owners, to be added on the check list offences linked to violence, corruption, fraud, tax evasion and hate crime, alongside the Prem’s now recognition of human rights issues, no more new club owners then. The Premier League clubs voted to the marker required, fourteen yes votes from the Premiership clubs on the new rule change, good for Manchester City and Newcastle, the headless horse has already bolted. The new theoretical approach will it operate as said, the Premiership head honchos, in faith we have?

The Crazed Relegation Battle

Time to return to the Manero crystal ball, with the Premiership’s relegation battle intensifying with nine clubs facing the trap door (at the time of writing) to put one’s head on the block on prediction, Southampton, Bournemouth and Nottingham Forest to enter the abyss, relegation.


The Saints to fall on the Ralf Hasenhüttl sword who had enough credit no to have been sacked, the club became unsure at management level with the unproven. Austrian Ralf to be on the ski slopes, enjoy the ride D-Day May 28th.


The Cherries having showed resolve with their new signings, the leaky defence to send the Cherries down, fallen.

Nottingham Forest

Forest’s dreadful away record to seal the fate, Forest rely too much on Brennan Johnson to ignite the Forest fire. Leicester City of the opinion with Smith and Terry on board the quality is there to survive. Tactics systems, work rate, attitude, desire, it’s all there to see with Sean Dyce’s Everton, all the players encouraged to make goalscoring contributions, Everton are third in the Premiership on KLM on the blades of grass covered during match play, job done, safety. Onto the ‘we are Leeds’ who are still maintaining the intensity in their play, but naivety on occasions severs the system and tactics set up, can muster the points to stay up. The Wolves’ manager Julen Lopetegui has added much needed teeth to the Wolves’ bark instilling a high level physicality, to railroad to the points required, survival. The return of the Croydon son, Roy Hodgson has revitalised Crystal Palace from their slumber. The Eagles young talent has come to the forefront, to survive at a canter. At Westham United, nine lives David Moyes has escaped the sack on many occasions by a whisker, meow. A big summer spree on incoming players and a quick meltdown from last season’s heroics, questions have to be asked, to suggest a management change will be the outcome. Heads will roll, egg on the face, that’s the terrain, enjoy the ride.

Silva, Lingard, Ali

A silver marked coin has turned to gold for the Fulham manager Marco Silva’s return to Everton with his team dispatching Everton 3 to 1, Toffees all around. Marco made the statement that he does not have to prove himself with one game, no Marco, just near on certainty of sending Everton to relegation during one’s tenure. Marco for his sins, and there have been plenty, was serving part of a four match ban, seated high up in the stands. The scandalous cost of a match day ticket in Fulham’s plush new stand marks down at £175, perhaps Everton should have charged him for the privilege, Silva the Artful Dodger, not on Manero’s watch, you have been dodged. Time to give Marco a pass, jump on board, the sights are truly blessed, Bramley-Moore Dock 2024.

The cameo boy at Forest gate, Jessie Lingard, played his normal Jessie role at Nottingham Forest, making a three minute cameo v one’s former patch Manchester United, Forest’s ten million pound wage outlay, justified? Of course not, never is. Onto Del Boy, Deli Ali, high as a kite on balloon gas housed in a sky reaching apartment in Salford with the usual bimbo in place who is looking to suck more than Ali’s gas. Deli to activate a ten million payment to Tottenham Hotspur on making twenty Everton appearances, no chance, time to lift off over Goodison Park, sail high and long, ballooned out.

Garth’s Tripe

No shots to save, David de Gea, Manchester United v Nottingham Forest. At this valued stat rate, the Spanish non stopper on this occasion was slotted into the nonsense termed pundit analyst Garth Crook’s team of the week. The Forest goalkeeper in comparison, Keylor Navas made a series of top class saves but did get a mention. The non logical Garth, I am the one that takes myself seriously. Crooks has a historical value of going off the Richter Scale with nonplussing speak, a riddle wrapped in an enigma, employed by the BBC and Daily Mail on occasions, no surprise there then, dullsville, check in, it offers therapy.